I see that man lying in the simple and crude and ice-cold mortuary of the hospital quietly, nothing is worth exchanging with the life, is the fragility like this, helpless human nature.
I begin, remember we lie at the single bed embracing those night together tightly.
That is my first man, does not know it will be the last one, I like calling him W, you can call him W too.
W, the 23rd in 26 English letters is not the 13th, but final result is all the same, Wang is surnamed Wu or surnamed ten thousand that it is a family name to guess him.
I think you can not guess, because I do not know his true name either, he says you can call me W.
It was raining heavily that day, it was very heavy and very heavy. The overcast and fine and indefinite change that we are used to the sky, vastly clear, it thunders and lightns, change each other at the pace before precaution can be taken, but does not still take the umbrella, is crazy about the feeling of running in the rain, that is running blindly, without purpose, without the terminal point, it is an only goal to wear oneself down, one stretch is pitch-dark at the moment, the feeling that the raindrop drenches on the head is very stiff, the scalp will feel that it is numb to have for a moment, the slight quivering of body is that I only feel that it is here instantly to live oneself.
I fall down finally, I know oneself fewer than jin of healths how can it makes to be so heavy voice, the best explanation is that I am actually a piece of sponge, have no weight itself, then absorbed too much moisture, those muddy and limpid and bright liquid is welled up to me completely, turbulent like tidewater, they irrigate wantonly, there is meaning that try to help the shoot grow by pulling it upward, they want, burst me, want, let health or psychological unique dyke completely of line of defence of me. They accomplish, make perfect, I only consciousness tell me want, congratulate to them on, then fall on the ground of cement ruthlessly. One noticed my man for a long time coming by me at this time, he took me in one's arms, I can feel the urging closely of his breath clearly, he is W.
W has been holding me all the time, embrace to his room, let me think. The greatest hope only has one to belong to one's own spacious and bright room in childhood, fill the sunshine with and experience making silently warm, one drop of tears and one fall down when being hurt and wronged, needn't disappear either, open the skylight in the face of the blue sky alone, can not escape the lonely performance even if excessive.
When I wake up, W sits in the place very near to the I, I refer to the body. His face is buried inside arms deeply, his face sleeps so serenely, just as he lies in the scene of this damnable place now, only different one is that the health has lost the most blazing temperature. He has seen me waking up, has passed a towel, there are words of the third towel factory above, it is blue to be thin, embroider and have the grotesque mandarin duck's little red cap of tree peony of duck, the one that has not invaded the sense is blue, the thin color like the sky. I clean the hair desperately, crowd and do all moisture, I have resumed the form of sponge, it is just the wizened sponge, oh.
W has boiled a pack of instant noodles to me, Chef Kang braises the beef noodle in soy sauce, I like drinking the noodle soup, delicious so, closed upper one tightly meticulously, includes it in the mouth, enjoyed endless aftertastes. I begin to be oozing out the beads of sweet on the forehead constantly, does he say you will not be afraid I prescribe medicine?
I lift the head and say, it is generally in alcohol of coke that the plot in the film prescribes medicine, nobody will put it in the instant noodles, and I have no money, unprepossessing in appearance, there is no reason why you start.
When he is in a daze, I see his appearance clearly, the hair is dyed and the hot trace is faintly visible, there are very beautiful leg types to wear the jeans, dark blue cotta, the chin has trace that has been just cleared up, a form and one pair of eyelid, the lip is moist, sexy, I like this word.
He says the rain is very heavy, you mustn't go back to catch the rain again, what you need is rest. He has closed the window, prevents the rain drops from splashing, I still tell the sound that the rain drops are made on the window lattice, I am so sensitive to these voices.
I say what your name is, can you put the music on?
Please call me W, the 23rd in 26 English letters. What do you want to hear?
Red house painters
He has turned over CD from a case, puts into the CD machine, I hear the sound of Mark Kozelek quickly, begin from the first stop in the music journey, red house painters is playing an ice-cold and heart-broken theme all the way, the ones that concoct out are all the bitter and strong coffee of a cup of cups each time. Music to listen to them, swallow one make people unable calm pill for ever, every work will take you to a stretch of desolate places easily, there is no romantic picturesque moonlight there, there is no touching lover's prattle like the poem, the ones that went around all over the fields there are only drops of profound soul that is on the brink of destroying.
The light color in the room.
The sunshine seeping in.
Doesn' t mix with the black of death' s angel looming in.
I' ve had enough of the brutal beatings and name callings.
To lose me to this bed.
Bruised internally.
Eternally.
Your praise little gifts you spent your money.
And stuffed me with.
Didn' t amount to anything.
The attention I need is much more serious.
A kind of weight you couldnt lift.
Even if your cheap career.
Depended on it.
I need someone much more mysterious.
To be my miss.
To be my mistress.